- Sister: You'll be looking at one of these profiles, and be like, "Hey, not bad," and then — boom. He likes Ayn Rand or something.
- Me: Or "I like to stay up late."
- Sister: Yeah. Or his screename is something like EATSPOOPREGULARLY.
User basics: Male, 30, looking for women 21-29 (ouch, dude), Scorpio (yikes!), username is an alternate spelling of Xerxes, designs UIs for an insurance company’s software platform
First impression: Anyone ever see the movie Sneakers? Seriously, it’s the best movie about computer hacking ever, stars Robert Redford, Sidney Pottier, River Phoenix, Ben Kingsley… Jesus, just go watch it already. Anyway, I bring that movie up because this guy reminds me somewhat of Werner Brandes (played by the inimitable Stephen Tobolowsky, AKA Ned Ryerson), a very straight-laced, conservative computer programmer (who happens, in this case, to enjoy the outdoors).
More important, though, is our guy’s reluctance to date girls his own age. We’re talking arrested development here, and not the short-lived TV program or the longer-lived hip-hop group. The birth certificate says 30, the pay grade says 30, but in terms of romantic experience, emotional maturity, and all those other important factors, you’re dealing with someone quite a bit younger. Be advised.
I sent this guy in for analysis. Not going to even hide this reality. Apathy can be attractive, when used in tiny amounts (I totally crushed on the lead singer of Silverchair*, because his apathy was brutally attractive when I was a teenager). But this guy is a little too apathetic for my tastes now.
*And for the record, I still think Daniel Johns is a stud, even with the tattoos and weird eye makeup.
Because apparently, “more than a handful is a waste.”
I am sorry that my boobs have annoyed you. It’s not like I woke up one morning in the third grade at the tender age of nine (yeah, I got started early) and said to myself, “Let’s have our boobies grow to be 34DDs.”
I didn’t even know bra sizes in the third grade. I was just excited to have a sports bra that I wore to school every day. And I get to spend every moment of the rest of my life fending off male a**holes who think they can freely stare at my boobs or make offhand comments.
So thank you, for being one of those guys, you flipping douchebag! I am quite enjoying engaging you in this lively discussion, because apparently you think I can’t talk back. Just because I have larger breasts does not mean that my IQ is lower.
And I apologize to anyone who reads this that has delicate sensibilities.
If it’s a straightforward email about something mundane, I am fine. But sending a message to a guy I would like to get to know better, and I am all thumbs. How does one strike up a random conversation with a stranger, and not sound like an ass? Because I am having serious difficulty in this department. One study says don’t open up with “Hi” or “Hello” because it’s stupid and they generally delete your message and move on with their lives, others say compliment their appearance.
I abhor when guys come straight out of the gate complimenting my appearance. I thank you for the compliment of my eyes or my smile, but did you read my profile? Because I would love to hear your thoughts on something you saw in there. And when I message guys on OkC, I will pick something out of their profiles that grabbed my attention and comment on it. Of course when I do this, I sound like an idiot who doesn’t have a firm grasp of the English language.
Of course, I am old-fashioned—in a bad way. I believe men should make the first move, and not me. I am not saying it doesn’t work for other women, it just doesn’t work for me.
Maybe this is why Eoin Macken doesn’t reply back to my tweets. Because I can’t talk to an intelligent male with good looks. Food for thought.
My followers must be sick of hearing from me about this, and trust me I am sick to death of talking about it.
Alright, I’m done with this discussion.
*I am posting this for my followers to read. I am doing this because I need the catharsis of talking about this experience. I don’t mind if you reblog or like this. You can comment, if you wish. But I don’t want any negativity. I don’t need people telling me that I am never going to be in a relationship because of a guy who exhibits man-whore tendencies. If you don’t have anything nice to say, please refrain from speaking.
My best friend told me yesterday that if a guy doesn’t respect you, then he’s not the guy for you. She also said I was smart (thanks, I think?). And as I weighed the pros and cons of texting/calling this guy I have been emailing back and forth, I took her advice to heart.
I don’t think it would go anywhere. The more I think about it, we’re better off as friends, and not romantic partners.
Among the reasons I have come to this conclusion:
- He’s very intimidating. I don’t feel completely at ease when I speak to him or look at his photos.
- He doesn’t want kids. And I don’t think he means right now. I think he means never. I on the other hand, want kids.
- In the questions which help determine the compatibility percentage, he says he frequently enjoys arguing with higher authority figures. I tend to be more quiet while questioning authority.
- He gets drunk. I know, I know. This really isn’t an issue. But it is to me. I rarely ever drink, and being around someone who gets drunk makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t like being in situations where I am uncomfortable.
Does this make me a bad person? That after one night of IM’ing a guy for two hours I have decided we’re better off as friends? That we’ve never met and I’ve decided this? Because I am really curious to find this out.
You guys have been hugely helpful in the past, so offer me your wisdom. I can’t promise I will take it, but I will definitely read it and consider it.
First, we bond over Muse. That’s not hard, a lot of people like Muse.
But he mentioned in his profile he likes the movie Cashback. Instantly, I think of the 2005/2006 movie starring Sean Biggerstaff, who starred as Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. But I was convinced this wasn’t the case, because there’s another movie out there with the same name. Curious, I asked him if it was the same movie.
He said it was.
I have literally died. How many guys out there do you know that have seen such an obscure movie? I LOVE that movie. I’ve seen the short film version, as well as the feature film.
I am not getting crazy about this guy, but I am stunned. Just stunned.